Joys of Middle School
by lonewolfzaraki
Summary: Ami and Arie enter Middle School. But they're in for a big suprise! One of them is their math teacher, Mr. Zaraki....... My First FanFiction! I do not own bleach.
1. Kenpachi Zaraki: Math Teacher?

" That was the bell!"

" What's your next class?"

" Ummm I have math."

" Me too! What teacher?"

" Uh, Mr. Zaraki."

" Me too! Let's hurry or we'll be late! "

" Ami this IS the right class, right?"

" Yep, room 22, let's go!"

Ami, being the braver friend, opened the door and they cautiously stepped in.

" Ami, is it legal to have swords hanging on the wall at a school?" Arie asked, noticing the swords hanging on the wall.

" They're just for decoration Arie! Besides they look cool. Let's go sit down."

Ami sat down in the middle of the class and Arie sat down next to her. Other students filled the empty seats.

The bell rang, still no teacher. The students looked around the room, noticing the odd things.

The swords mounted on the wall, the neat teacher desk, the general ominous feel, the innocent fluffy pink pen on the desk. Still the silence continued.

The students all jumped as the door was flung open.

" Is that the teacher?" Arie whispered to Ami, who merely shrugged.

He reached the front of the class and turned around to face them.

He wore a tuxedo, his long black hair was slicked back, he had scholar glasses, a scar running down his face and had a very disturbing smile as he addressed the class.

" Welcome class. Now," he said sitting at his desk and picking up the pen, " I'm going to call role. If you like being called something else or I say your name wrong, deal with it." He went through the role, each student giving a quick "here" when their name was called.

" As you know this is math, we'll be learning a lot of stuff and to see what you already know we're going to have a little test. No complaining." He glared at the students as they started too, they stopped and went silent yet again.

" I expect you to finish before class is over, all 80 questions." another glare as he finished passing out the tests.

" But first some class rules. Number 1, I don't care if you talk. Number 2, steal anything from me and you're dead, especially my hair gel. Number 3, NO doodling on assignments." under his breath he muttered, " Yachiru does that enough on my stuff already." he then continued, " Number 4, NEVER EVER touch the swords on my walls, do and die. Number 5, don't pick your nose. Number 6, don't break pencils. And number 7, you CAN fight with rulers, i don't care. Now work on your test."

Mostly everyone had finished the test, although very quickly, when the bell rang. That is, except Ami and Arie who, consequently were the last ones getting out. Starting out the door they heard Mr. Zaraki's voice.

" By the way. NEVER EVER go into the principle's office alone. If you're in the hall with him alone RUN the opposite direction. If your alone at your locker find someone to guard your back. Just a little bit of advice." he said with one of his creepy smiles, which faded as he finished, " I would listen to it."

" The principle must be a killer or something!" Arie said walking out.


	2. Never Be Alone

So here it is! Finally Chapter 2 of Joys of Middle School is here, enjoy!! Oh ya and sorry it took awhile to update. I dont own bleach either, although that would be cool if i did.

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" Ami? "

" Ya? "

" Um, will you come with me to the principal's office? "

" Ya, but why can't you go alone? "

" You know what Mr. Zaraki told us about him! "

" True, let's go."

The two friends headed to the principal's office. It's lunch and most of the other students are outside. The duo reach the office, stopping outside.

" Why do you need to see him anyway Arie? "

" I want to talk to him about changing my English class from Mr. Kuchiki to Mr. Ukitake. "

" Ohh, Mr. Ukitake is awsome! "

" Ya, Mr. Kuchiki sucks, come on, let's go in."

Arie opened the door and stepped in, looking around. The only person she saw was Ms. Ise, the secretary.

" Hello, how may I help you? "

" Uh, I'm here to talk to Mr. Kyoraku about a schedule change. "

" He's in that room over there, just walk in. Oh and you'll need this, he's a little air brained. " she said handing Arie a copy of her current schedule. "And you?" she asked Ami.

" I'm with her."

" Ok." Ms. Ise promptly went back to work.

Arie walked to the appointed door, Ami following her. She opened the door and quickly stepped in.

Mr. Kyoraku, who, Ami suspected had been asleep, quickly looked up as they entered.

" Ah! Welcome! It seems I have been graced with the presence of two lovely young ladys! And to what do I owe this honor?"

" I want to ask you about switching a class." Arie explained, handing him her schedule.

" Ah! Let me guess you want to change from Mr. Zaraki's class to another? I understand he is quite scary."

" Hey! Mr. Zaraki is an awsome teacher! " Ami defended her favorite teacher.

Arie glared at Ami, who ignored her, for she was glaring at the principal.

" No, I want to change from Mr. Kuchiki's class to Mr. Ukitake's."

" Well, I'll need you to write a two page explanation explaining why you want to leave Mr. Kuchiki's class and why you want to switch to Mr. Ukitake's." He was smiling a very odd smile as he said this.

" Why didn't Aaron have to write a thing explaining why? "

" Well you see..." just then Ms. Ise walked in.

" I'm sorry but the bell is about to ring sir. Ami, Arie, he'll see you after school if that's okay? "

" Yes." both friends said walking out.

Just as the door closed Ami thought she could hear a smacking sound, a loud, ' Ow!', and Ms. Ise saying "Pervert!"

* * *

Id like to thank my friends, Anaya for helping me with the Kenpachi idea and ebonyangel666 for helping me with the story. Also Kenpachi and Shunsui are some of my favorite characters, i just couldnt pass up a story this funny. And please Read and Review, since this is my first fanfic. 


	3. Mr Zaraki isn't scary!

Yay! I finally got chapter 3 up!!!! dont own Bleach, own amie and arie

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"Ami, what are we going to do?"

Let's go ask Mr. Zaraki!"

"No, he's creepy!"

"Mr. Zaraki is not scary! He'll help us cuz he's the best teacher in the school."

" Well, ok, he is our next class. We'll stay after and talk to him."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx After Class xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Um, Mr. Zaraki?" Arie cautiously asked.

"Hmm?" he kept working, not really paying attention.

"Uh, me and Ami have to meet Mr. Kyoraku after school today."

"Yes, and why did you tell us not to be alone with him?" poor Ami sometimes was not very perceptive.

"Well, Mr. Kyoraku is a pervert, and that's not a good time to meet him. I'm sorry but I can't really help you. Not now anyway, but I'll come later and bail you out okay?"

"Really?" both girls looked at their teacher hopefully.

"Sure!" he replied with one of his trademark smiles.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx At the Principal's Officexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Ah! Welcome again!" Mr. Kyoraku greeted them.

The two friends glanced at each other as if the world was about to end.

"Hi."

"Now about that paper….. how 'bout you just tell me why you want to switch classes hmm?"

"Sure, I don't like Mr. Kuchiki and everyone says Mr. Ukitake is awsome."

"Hmmm, well that's not very specific. Could you elaborate a little?"

"Ok. I do well in English, but I'm not doing very good in Mr. Kuchiki's class. I think I'll do better in Mr. Ukitake's class." Arie was, by this time, getting quite frustrated.

"Well, that's not exactly what I was looking for. How 'bout we go….." at that time Mr. Zaraki stepped in.

"Mr. Kyoraku, I hope you don't mind if I take these two for a while to talk about their grades?" Mr. Zaraki was, yet again, smiling his trademark smile.

"Um, no go ahead, we're done here I'll change it tomorrow." Mr. Kyoraku had a defeated look.

Walking out the door Mr. Zaraki said, "Now why don't we go have our "little discussion"? Oh, and your grades are still perfect. Well, at least one of yours." He said looking at Arie.

"Hey! What's that supposed to man?"

"It means one of you have perfect grades and the other has….. a little less than perfect."

"Oh, that sucks!" Arie looked very sad at this.

Little did the three know Mr. Kyoraku was eavesdropping on them.

"Hmmmmm. There's something suspicious going on here."

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sorry for the wait again! Please Read and then you guessed it review!!! Oh and please read my new story, new guy in hueco mundo! 


	4. The Plan

I did it i updated!!! Yay!! I dont own bleach, just Ami and Arie. So enjoy.

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Xxx In Room 22, Mr. Zaraki's Room xxxx

"So Mr. Zaraki, what are we going to do?"

"Well, I'd say get rid of him."

"How would we do that? I can't see any way to do it." Ami was trying to solve the problem, where Arie's brain just wasn't working.

"There is one way." Mr. Zaraki smiled his psychotic smile. "This year is the school inspection. The school board does it every five years. And I have some suspicions about Mr. Kyoraku."

"Like what?"

"I think he's come to the school drunk a couple times."

"Like that one day! I know he was drunk!" Ami yelled in her excitement. And unfortunately Arie's brain had shut down. So she was leaning back on her chair, asleep. And Ami's yelling woke her up. She fell to the floor.

"We're under attack!!" she jumped up, and looking around and, realized nothing was wrong, sat down embarrassed.

**Big sweat drop**. "Uhhhhh, O…. K… Anyway, continuing, we just need to prove it. Any ideas?" he gave Arie a look that said, you won't be having any.

"Well, first we need to know where he keeps it."

"Hmmm, we'll need to look when no one's here. I DO have a key to the school…"

"So we can come after school at night!" Ami's and Mr. Zaraki's heads hit the desk.

"I'm glad someone's listening to us." Ami mumbled, head still on desk.

"Well," Mr. Zaraki said as he and Ami looked back up, " as Mrs. Obvious so kindly pointed out, we can come at night. Now, what day?"

"How 'bout tomorrow night? Oh and we'll have to have flashlights because we don't want only a couple of lights on.

"Good thinking, no wonder you're a straight A student. So tomorrow night it is."

XXXXX "Tomorrow night" 18 hundred hours. The middle school XXXXXXXXXX

"OK, let's do this. Oh, by the way, when is the inspection?" Ami said, walking up to the school doors.

"Tomorrow." Mr. Zaraki replied with a very neutral expression and tone.

"What?!" both girls yelled.

"Come on! We have to hurry!" they rushed past their teacher as he opened the door.

Arriving at the principal's office, which they thought would be their best bet, Mr. Zaraki unlocked the door.

The trio cautiously crept in, their flashlights traveling around the room. The lights all stopped on a picture that had escaped their notice before. Mr. Kyoraku's bigger-than-life-size painting of himself,

"Hmm, didn't notice that before, he sure likes himself. Let's start looking!" Ami and Mr. Zaraki headed into the room and started searching. Meanwhile, Arie headed over to the picture.

"People always hide things behind pictures in the movies." She said to herself, looking over at the other two.

Ami and Mr. Zaraki had, basically, flung everything in the principal's desk on the floor.

"It's not in the desk."

"Let's look in the cabinets." Arie decided to look behind the picture. She pushed against the frame, but it was so big she couldn't move it.

"Uh! Why do we have a conceited principal who has to have a life size…." At that moment the picture, for unknown reasons, fell. On Mr. Zaraki.

"I didn't do it!" Ami yelled. She looked at Arie, as did Mr. Zaraki, whose head was poking out of the picture where Mr. Kyoraku's head would have been.

"Umm, duct tape?" Arie said with a slight smile. All she got in reply were two glares.

"There WAS some duct tape in the desk. And we can't just leave it like this. Hey! What's that?" Ami said, pointing to the section of wall previously behind the painting. "It has a lock on it!"

"Hmm. Maybe this weird key I found in the desk goes to it." Mr. Zaraki walked up to the lock, inserted the key, and turned it. A loud clicking sound greeted them as the door opened a little. (A/N imagine a big, heavy, metal door.)

Mr. Zaraki opened the door all the way and white fog spilled out.

"What the?" Ami said as the three walked in.

"Looks like we found what we were lookin' for."

"The principal has a walk in refrigerator, hidden behind a bigger-than-life-size portrait of himself, filled with…."

"Vodka, Bourbon, beer, expensive wine, more REALLY expensive wine, and… Ritz Crackers." Mr. Zaraki finished for her.

"I wonder if he's eaten any of the crackers? I'm hungry!" Arie said, walking up to the box of crackers and picking it up.

"There's only two things left! Wait! Why is there another bottle of bourbon in the box?"

"Well Arie, who would suspect bourbon to be in a cracker box?" Mr. Zaraki replied. "I think we have everything we need. Let's go home. The inspection is two days from now."

* * *

Like it? Heheheheh the inspections here. Enter Mr. Jaggerjack, school inspector! 


	5. Ritz Crackers

the end of the story temporarily forgotten for against their will. I do not own Bleach, or Ritz Crackers...

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Next Morning Two Hours Before School

Mr. Kyoraku entered his office.

"I'm so handsome!" he said, looking at his portrait. (A/N they put it back up, and shunsui didn't notice the duct tape covering his face. Haha)

XX Meanwhile….

"Mr. Jaggerjack I assume you've finished your inspection?" Ms. Ise said to the school inspector.

"I just need to check the principal's office." He replied.

"Okay, this way." Arriving, she muttered under her breath, "Why does he have it locked?" Ms. Ise opened the door after unlocking it.

"Um…" Mr. Jaggerjack stood in the doorway.

"What's wrong?" Mr. Ise looked into the office. "Oh my!" My job is lost!" she said as she fainted.

The sight that caused her to faint?

Mr. Jaggerjack stared at Mr. Kyoraku. He was eating Ritz crackers, drinking bourbon, and…generally drunk.

"Busted." Was what Mr. Jaggerjack said.

XXXX 30 min. Before School Starts, Mr. Zaraki's Room

"Well someone did our work for us." Mr. Zaraki said, walking into his class.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the inspection date was moved up and Mr. Kyoraku had been fired!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Afterward XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mr. Kyoraku was fired thanks to the brave efforts of Mr. Zaraki, Ami, and Arie.

Ms. Ise was not fired and is still the secretary.

The new principal?

Mr. Yamamoto!

And in case you're wondering, Mr. Kyoraku now works at the state liquor store.

THE END

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A very big thanks to ebonyangel666. For whom without this story would have lacked: vodka, bourbon, beer, wine, more wine, even more wine, really expensive wine and Ritz Crackers!!


End file.
